I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
