Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
