I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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