They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
