I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
