some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
