Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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