Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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