Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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