That's intense
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
