omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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