i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
