Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
