i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
