this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
