I'm going to jail i love you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
