Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
