Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one