she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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