So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
