I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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