I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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