glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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