Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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