your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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