What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
please come you make the beer taste better
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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