woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who died my cat blue again?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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