I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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