Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
