is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
