david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
