She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
