She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
