Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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