I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
