No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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