You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
