Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
