I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
