Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
