And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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