Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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