Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
