forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
