Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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