I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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