your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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