I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
