did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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