I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we have pet lesbian snakes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
