Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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