I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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