Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
