I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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