in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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