Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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