I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
