It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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