just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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