I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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