I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
