Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
