okay pat passed out under dana's car
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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