Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
