I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
